Awakening The Heart After Deception

Most of us deal with some degree of deception, betrayal, abuse and lies in our lifetime. Since the release of the Epstein Files, there are many people who have been having difficulty coping with the reality that so many political leaders and celebrities have been perpetrating such horrible crimes, with no repercussions.

For many, this process hit on a collective level during the covid times when a lot of this information was coming out more than before. And for some, they’ve known for decades. We all have our unique moments of awakening, when our blinders start coming off or were ripped off!

Some may not be choosing to take those blinders off in this lifetime, and that’s their free will choice. We can’t force awakening in others, and if we do attempt to, we are trying to control other people’s perception, which is not healthy for anyone. I've been there (on both ends) and it doesn't feel good.

Our past childhood programming can either support us in maintaining strong and healthy discernment - that gut feeling when we see red flags and listen to it - or it can lead us to learn to ignore them and pretend they are not there.

When emotional abuse, in particular - gaslighting and invalidation - are the norm in childhood, it is pretty common to then continue to gaslight and invalidate oneself. When those gut feelings are guiding us to stay away from someone, we may ignore those feelings because of conditioning that taught us not to trust our inner feelings and instead to suppress them.

For me, this played out in many ways including how I ignored the gut feeling that told me not to take vaccines or to give my baby any after his birth in 2013. I didn’t listen, and we paid the price because I ignored my intuition and our health deeply suffered. This experience ripped many of my blinders off all at once. I can see now, from a higher perspective, that being out of alignment in this way was not "wrong", and that it was simply a part of the journey of coming back to myself and redirecting my life and career on every level possible.

After I woke up to western medicine, big pharma, and the abusive leaders and systems in the world, I thought I was awake to everything, but the reality was that I was still not discerning about everyone I let into my inner circle. It played out most significantly in some of my romantic relationships. I became really good at ignoring my gut instinct about potential partners and choosing to see their potential instead of who was right in front of me - to the point of inviting some emotionally abusive, and I would go as far to say sociopathic and predatory men into my life. Not all but some.

I literally walked right into a tornado several times, completely ignoring the weather report that was my intuition. The signs were there, I simply chose to distrust what I was sensing because of how I was conditioned, like so many are.

These men were never physically violent, but had such charisma, charm and skill of manipulation that they never needed to be, because they knew how to get what they wanted through various emotionally abusive tactics that initially were so subtle. Eventually, however, the masks started to fall and it all became louder and I could no longer deny what was happening.

I truly felt like I was under a mind control spell in each of those relationships and actually started to believe that I was always to blame when things weren’t going well or when I had to withdraw to feel safe.

So many people have experienced the same types of abusive relationships - men and women - in similar patterns to how they were treated in childhood and what they witnessed in their own parents' relationship.

In saying all of this, I still take full responsibility for ignoring the signs and allowing this energy into my life. And again, ignoring the signs was part of the learning and not "wrong", just not my preferred choice in hindsight. These tornadoes helped me awaken more of my light because I took radical responsibility for choosing to heal the root causes of what these experiences were teaching me - about what I still needed to transform within my own inner world.

When I was being gaslit, invalidated, shamed, guilted, unkindly criticized or judged, and manipulated I had to ask myself where I was doing that to myself or in my life?

When I was being treated in a power-over, oppressive way, I had to ask where I was in unhealthy relationship to my own power, and giving it away too easily?

When my boundaries were not being respected, I asked where am I not respecting my own boundaries with myself?

When I was over-giving and people pleasing, I had to ask where do I feel I need to do this to feel worthy of love and valued, as well as safe?

When there were outbursts of un-contained anger directed at me, I asked myself where I was suppressing my own anger and rage?

When I was being deceived and betrayed , I had to ask where I was lying to and betraying myself?

When I was feeling inauthenticity in the connection, I asked what masks am I still carrying?

When I realized I was being disrespected, I asked where am I not respecting myself or feeling worthy of respect and deserving of reciprocal love, honour and devotion?

When I realized I was being emotionally abused, I asked how am I still abusing myself/my inner child? What part of me believes that emotional abuse equals love and is what i'm worthy or deserving of?

These experiences also allowed me to have more compassion for the timeline everyone is on and to stop judging people who aren't seeing some of what I'm seeing in the world. Some of those people who still can't see through the lies of the mainstream news and our government and other systems, could see plain as day, that some of the men I had dated were "bad news" or not aligned with me from the first moment they met them. Interesting, how we can be so blind in some aspects of life and so discerning in others!

Our political leaders and many famous folks have been using these same exact psychologically manipulative tactics, I described above, on the collective to get people to do what they want them to do, so they can remain in power. The majority of humans have fallen for it for centuries.

The world "out there" is truly a reflection of our inner world and the work we need to do to come back to LOVE. If we embrace the potential of seeing what is going on in the collective as a mirror for our own shadow and focus on transmuting the ways we continue to abuse ourselves, then this is where the gold is.

We all have blinders, unless we are raised in a way from the very beginning to trust and follow our intuition, our gut feelings, and not learn to self-abandon.

I recently learned that certain people, who you may be more likely to be trauma bonded with, will behave in ways that boost your dopamine, which creates an addictive response, if you are vulnerable. This is why it can be so hard to leave abusive relationships, because of an addictive response to the person that can feel like an intense roller coaster ride that we can confuse for love.

Experiencing LOVE BOMBING would be a perfect example of a behaviour that creates a dopamine surge. A blast of dopamine will feel good initially when you are in the midst of the conversation, but then very soon after you will stop feeling good and perhaps even feel unwell when dopamine starts to crash, and you believe you need them to feel good.

This is the perfect recipe for codependency.  I believe this is what is happening when relationships form from a trauma bond from insecure attachments rather than through real love.

If someone genuinely loves and authentically connects with you, they will boost your oxytocin rather than cause a dopamine surge, and that good feeling from oxytocin will last longer and dissipate more slowly, and not be associated with addictive tendencies, because it is not a peak experience. I believe this is why healthy relationships often start slower rather than rush into things too quickly.

It's all about the neurochemical co-dependency that is created which creates the impulsive behaviour associated with unhealthy relationships. This distinction and difference in what is happening with your neurotransmitters and hormones is really important to know when you are assessing whether relationships of any kind are healthy for you or whether you should trust someone. Intense "chemistry" is often a red flag.

“Red flags” might actually be creating a dopamine surge within your body because you unconsciously believe that abuse is normal and despite the stress of it, it is what you were used to as a result of your childhood experiences. The only way to stop making that be the norm and start to create safety and peace from within is to tend to that inner child, process the stuck emotions, and shift her/his limiting beliefs about what she/he is worthy of.

In my life, I often had to learn the hard way, mistrusting my gut feelings and then finding myself in a storm of chaos and re-traumatization. I strongly believe over the past year, as a result of the inner child work I did, I have completed my lessons and learning around this theme in particular (thank you year of the snake!) and have reclaimed my discernment and self-trust and for that I am grateful. It is a huge theme in my work with others now too.

I can be grateful now to those who stormed into my life so strongly that I had no choice but to see the Truths that were in my own shadow, including the ways I was insecurely attached myself. I had to deeply process the pain fully though to reach this place of acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude. I had to simultaneously remember that I was not a victim of but the Creator of my reality. It took time. These experiences helped me wake up more powerfully and reconnect with myself more deeply because I had the tools to process it.

This pattern of unhealthy and painful relationships is what prompted me to start studying Relationship Coaching through the lens of Integrated Attachment Theory. I was so motivated to never want to experience another traumatizing relationship again, and to also become a better partner, who can have even more capacity for sacred relating and deeper intimacy from a more securely attached place.

I wanted to gain more tools and skills to help myself and to help others in the realm of relationship to self and others, because I know that relationships can be a profound portal for growth and evolution and are the #1 predictor of good health and happiness. Sacred and conscious elationships is what I want to support my clients in creating in their reality.

Our Souls are here to learn, grow and evolve. That’s the main purpose. We can learn through pain or love. Our Soul is not attached to how we learn, as it simply wants to support us in reconnecting back to God/Creator/Source and therefore it wants us to remove all the obstacles that are in the way of that connection.

Until we have integrated enough of our shadow, we will tend to learn more often through pain, because of what is sitting in the unconscious mind that we cannot see, until it becomes blatantly obvious in our reality. I believe many of us who have been doing our inner work for many years now, are moving into a time period where we are ready to learn more often through love. Yiiiippppeee!!

It is truly so beautiful and heartwarming to see more and more parents these days who are passionate about raising children in a way that helps the child maintain a healthy relationship to self, to God/Creator/Source, and is honouring of their intuition, discernment and fosters emotional intelligence. This will protect those children from needing to learn through so much pain later in life, and support them in learning more often through love, pleasure, and joy.

I feel that we are all being upgraded in our discernment right now, on a collective level, and that is beautiful to witness! The foundations and systems that were built on abuse are collapsing as they are being illuminated for more to see. It is uncomfortable and it is so necessary!

Where did deception help you awaken more deeply to your heart and Soul?

With love,

Melissa